Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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