No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
