i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
