And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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