How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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