You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
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