Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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