Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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