its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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