I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
