I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
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