I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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