I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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