hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
