Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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