plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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