im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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