I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
