I got chris browned last night
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize