How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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