my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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