Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just invented taco cereal.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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