Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
