Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
