You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
