btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
