No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We left the knife in your bed.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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