I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Damn victory sex feels great
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So here I am, sexting at work.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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