girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
