You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
