oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Sober January is a disaster.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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