Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
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