I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
how drunk are you?
Several
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
