Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
