id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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