omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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