Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize