I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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