He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
