Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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