There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
