how can u be prego again
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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