Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
