I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize