Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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