any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
