I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
