it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
