I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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