Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
