I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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