I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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