At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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