so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Randomize
