We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
