Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
