OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
