I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
