I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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