You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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