Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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