i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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