Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize