Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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