Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
