It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
