The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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