I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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