I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
