how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
