got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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