just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
we should paint friendship bongs
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
