Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
