two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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