my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
