I can text with my tongue
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
