My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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