some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
