Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
